Our Current Situation

• Trigger warning: domestic violence, psychological abuse

Nick (not his real name) was smart, successful and charismatic. He made me feel like the most important woman in the world. I'd known him only three days when he asked me to leave my home in the UK and move to Denver, Colorado, to live with him. I'd laughed, thinking he was joking. We stayed in touch once he returned to America and every time he asked the same question, it became harder to say no.

Ten months later, I quit my journalism job, packed up my apartment, said goodbye to my family and friends and booked a one-way flight to Denver.

But once I arrived, Nick became increasingly controlling. Before I'd left the UK he'd promised many things, including that he would fix up the dilapidated bungalow he owned, get me insured on his car, and support me until I got a Green Card – which, of course, would happen when we decided to get married. But none of these promises ever materialised.

If anything went wrong, it was always my fault. If I ever complained that he made all the major decisions in our relationship and refused to compromise, he told me I was 'depressed' or 'demanding' until I became disorientated. And every time I came close to leaving, he turned on the charm again just long enough for me to feel hopeful he would change. I didn't recognise the tactics – love bombing, isolating a partner from family and friends, limiting their ability to work or drive, restricting financial independence – that are employed by perpetrators of psychological abuse.

The World Health Organisation recognises four types of domestic violence: physical, sexual, emotional or psychological, and controlling behaviour. Nearly half of all women and men in the US alone will experience ​psychological aggression by an intimate partner at some point in their lives – and the effects can be more damaging long-term than physical violence. Yet before this happened to me, I never believed that it could. I convinced myself that despite Nick's emotional blind spots, he would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. Little did I know.

By sharing my story I hope to offer strength and support to those who need it and encourage other survivors of domestic abuse to speak out too. Because only by talking openly about domestic abuse can we remove its stigma and gather the tools we need, as a society, to overcome it.

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